Singerman is Making People do BAD Things!

Well as we await any sort of serious news about whether a Singerman sequel is ever going to happen or not or what Singer's next new film project will be that he's going to do before he TOTALLY starts working on the sequel next March, we thought we'd bring these "fun" little news bit to your attention. Apparently Singerman is such a bad film, that it's driving people to commit all kinds of heinous crimes. That's right folks, people across the globe are literally being driven mad from watching the film and taking it out on their fellow man!

Take this first story from Japan for instance, about a bank worker who was paying a Canadian man to give her English lessons and got more than she bargained for:

It's not always the teachers who fall foul of the system, though. A bank worker we'll call Fumi paid a Canadian man to give her private English lessons. He started by suggesting they watch a movie to get used to hearing English. Fumi agreed and they began watching "Superman Returns."
"As soon as we sat down he put one of his arms around my shoulders and thrust the other one between my thighs. When I tried to move his hands away, he grabbed hold of my hand, tried to force it toward his crotch and said to me, 'I'm a Superman too, you know,' "
Fumi tells Shukan Post. "When we got out of the movie theater, he had the hide to tell me that our lesson had gone into overtime and he wanted to be paid more for it. I paid him 5,000 yen for the cost of a single hour's lesson and never contacted him again."

Anyone else find it ironic he was going to teach her English by taking her to a movie with so little dialogue? Also I guess the guy must've picked up on the whole "super rape" thing and thought this was OK? Somewhere Jon Peters is smiling.

But the evil this film is spreading hasnt stopped there folks. Take this next story about a murder alibi from the UK where a man killed another man with a baseball bat:

He was arrested at his mother's home in Spring Rise, Kettering, Northants, but told police: "I'm telling you on my baby's life, I didn't have anything to do with it."When he was interviewed Spouse said: "All I know is he got stabbed by Stelios." Spouse said on the night of the killing he went to a pub for drinks and then watched the film Superman Returns at a friend's house.

So was he watching Singerman at the time of the murder or did Singerman drive him to it?? He'd sure as heck have a motive, and in my book a good defense. I mean who WASN'T infuriated beyond rational thought after seeing it?

Hmmm but the plot thickens. The European Commission recently found high levels of lead and chromium in some of the Singerman toys, so perhaps that's what's driving people to do these things? Whatever it is, Singerman and his insidious plot to make us all into sexually harrassing, bat wielding criminals must be stopped!!!

Creative Ideas for those Unwanted Singerman Gifts

<--If Routh takes this out of the box, does that constitute playing with himself?

The season of giving is upon us! And we here at Singer's Superman Sucks continue to give to you, our loyal blog readers because we care. We're here this week to help you with a problem some of you might come across this holiday season. That problem of course, would be those unwanted Singerman gifts! (cue the horror music)

Everyone has that aunt who's gotten a bit senile in her old age and has trouble telling the difference between the toilet and the kitchen sink. She "knows" you like "that Superman fella," and in her bewilderment at the giant electronics store with all the flashing lights and loud music, she picks you up a copy of Singerman. You open it, give her a half-assed smile as she kisses you with breath that's some ungodly combination of tuna fish and moth balls. Or perhaps you just got the DVD because you weren't aware they stuck it into the Ultimate Collector's Edition box set, and are trying to figure out why? You then contemplate how far the thing could fly if tossed out your car window at 70 mph or perhaps which one of your buddies DVD collections you're going to hide it in to see if he notices.

Well fret not my friends! Don't waste those DVD's. With a little patience and a dash of creativity you can make "Singer-ade" out of Singerman! Here's a few ideas of ours. Submit your own suggestions in the comments section.

Perhaps you or someone you know has a cat... or two... or six. Well with a little hot glue, a plastic handle, and a bit or patience, you've got this handy, dandy kitty litter scoop! You know how they say "fight fire with fire?" Well now you can scoop crap with crap! Maybe that same senile, old aunt who gave you the damn DVD in the first place who has the cats and you can "re-gift" it back to her. Hell, it's not like she's going to notice anyway! If you don't know anyone with cats, try to pass them off as ping pong paddles or maybe even a spackle knife! Either way it'll be the most action these DVD's have ever seen.

Maybe there's a special lady in your life who's a little on the ummm "big-boned" side and she really likes to accessorize her outfits. Well then just slap some thin iron clasps into these babies and you've got yourself a pretty snazzy pair of dangly earrings. And don't forget our gender bending friends who like to play dress up either!



Tired of cups and glasses leaving those darn rings on your furniture? Well just take your Singerman DVD's, a little hot glue, and some cork board, and in a matter of minutes you've got yourself a lovely decorative coaster set that the whole family can enjoy! If Singerman can hold up a giant island made of Kryptonite, he should have no trouble at all with your vodka martini or a Diet Pepsi!





If your feeling really crafty and say someone gives you a multi-disc set of Singerman, try making a festive holiday wreath! You may think you don't need a holiday wreath made of Singerman DVD's, but every day I hear you crying for one! The best part is that it's REALLY easy to do! Just like Bryan Singer you can hastily slap it together, add in some semi-cohesive glue, and then throw a bunch of garbage onto it and see what sticks! Sure it's not as good as real, traditional wreath, but who cares? It's yours to do with as you please.