Singerman: The End of the Year Reviews

Several of the major media outlets (besides those owned by WB) have done year end pieces about the 2006 movies and of course Singerman. Here's a look at what's being said at the end of the year in which Superman was supposed to return, but all we got was this lousy t-shirt.

• Detroit Free Press - "For nine months, the cabal that is Hollywood has an unspoken agreement that it will release no film of actual greatness, unless, of course, it also happens to also be of great commercial potential. That is why "Superman Returns" (which failed to live up to its moneymaking potential, perhaps because it was too subtle) and "Cars" were released this summer."

• Santa Cruz Sentinel (CA) - But "Pirates" covered up the colossal failure of another sure-fire Hollywood franchise. "Superman Returns" exploded onto the scene in June and quickly sank into irrelevance.

• Blogcritics Magazine - Superman Returns - a ridiculous story to feature the return of Supes.

• The Toronto Sun - "Look past the eye-popping $1-billion US bounty hauled in by Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and you'll see a horizon scattered with costly letdowns -- from the barely broke-even Superman Returns to the utterly disastrous Poseidon."

• The Decatur Daily (AL) - "Two icons returned this year, one with renewed relevance, the other creaking under his own pretensions. Strangely, James Bond, the character who shouldn't work divorced from his Cold War origins, showed new energy. Meanwhile, the supposedly timeless Superman, remained as stiff and lifeless as ever, not so much the Man of Steel as the man of rigor mortis."

• The Joliet Herald News (IL) - "Who needs kryptonite? "Superman Returns," one of the year's most anticipated movies, quietly falls to earth. Not that that has stopped Hollywood from greenlighting a sequel." (SSS note: The sequel hasn't been greenlit yet, Singer was just signed to develop one.)

• St. Petersburg Times (FL) - "Don’t go overboard with the Champagne, though. Too many sequels, remakes and knockoffs still take up too much megaplex space and public attention. But consumers seem to be wising up a bit ­— just ask Superman, if he returns again."

• Jam! Showbiz (Canada) - "Or that Brandon Routh, touted just 12 months ago for super-stardom as soon as he was announced as the new Man of Steel in Superman Returns, would remain more anonymous than not in the first days of 2007 after the would-be blockbuster sputtered more than soared?"

• Miami Herald (FL) - Best self-indulgent directorial flourish: The "Heart and Soul" sequence in Bryan Singer's Superman Returns: Menacing tattoos, a fax, chopsticks on the piano, and the movies' first appearance of Superboy.

• St. Petersburg Times (Russia) - "Meanwhile, “Superman Returns” was on the edge of being imbecilic and it seemed like it was made for 10-year-olds to watch while their moms run errands."

Global Box Office Reports:

• Australia - "Superman Returns" should have performed well Down Under because it was lensed in Sydney but film did not even make the top 10, returning $11 million, well shy of the $15.5 million indicated by the 10% rule.
• Germany - Underachievers at the Teutonic box office include "Superman Returns," which made only $4 million. In Germany, comicbook heroes face a never-ending battle for cinematic recognition.
• Mexico - Still, Mexicans this year didn't like their American superheroes to be bland: "Superman Returns" for one slumped at local wickets.
• Italy - Hollywood titles that elsewhere had been summer films but were Italo fall releases played below par, such as "Superman Returns" ($7 million) and "Miami Vice" ($4.4 million).
• France - Below par were "Miami Vice" ($12 million), "Superman Returns" ($11.5 million), "Cars" and "Happy Feet."
• Hong Kong - Top 10 films "Superman," "X-Men 3" and "Cars" all arguably underperformed against expectations -- as did bomb of the year "Poseidon."

Some pretty damning evidence right there, both in media opinion and B.O. statistics.

A happy and safe new year to all of you out there! Yes, even you Bryan.

"One of the Biggest Disappointments of 2006"

Sure we've been saying this for over 5 months now, so for that to come from us, it wouldn't mean a whole heck of a lot. However when that comment is coming out of the mouth of someone at a nationally respected publication, people will sit up and take notice. And when said publication just so happens to be owned by Warner Brothers, well then that's really telling and pretty darn humorous if you ask us. That's right folks, Entertainment Weekly has come out with their list of the biggest disappointments in entertainment for the year 2006, and guess who's near the top of the list? Yup you guessed it, neither your friend or mine, Singerman!

Here's a few choice quotes from EW's Assistant Managing Editor, Dawnie Walton:

"Cut to opening weekend, me asleep in a theater. I checked out around the time someone exposition'ed that Lois Lane (a limp Kate Bosworth) had won a Pulitzer — a Pulitzer! — for some petulant, woman-done-wrong essay titled ''Why the World Doesn't Need Superman.'' When I woke up, Kevin Spacey was screaming at me, and former soap star Brandon Routh was doing something amazingly tedious with a huge floating island of Kryptonite. I wouldn't have minded if the movie had been merely bad — it would've given me something to talk about/make fun of with my husband on the walk home from the theater — but Superman Returns was just... boring. And is there anything worse than that?"

Well she certainly hit the proverbial nail on the head! I don't think there's anything else that we can add to that which hasn't already been mentioned here. The fact that something like is getting published by a WB entity leads me to believe that there's just a bit of a difference of opinion among some of the major players at WB as far as Singerman is concerned.

Warner Brothers Has No Shame

Academy Award season is just around the corner, and this is the time of the year when studios start to pitch certain of their films that they feel may have a chance to bring home an Oscar. For the major awards, Best Picture, Best Actress, etc., we usually see art house films like Brokeback Mountain or films with a deep message in them like Crash take home the awards. Every once in a while you'll see an epic film like Braveheart in there if it's especially good. You can sort of tell what films will be nominated by how critics and the Hollywood press react to them.

Now does anything I've just described sound like it has anything even REMOTELY in common with Singerman? No, of course not, but apparently Warner Brothers didn't get that memo as they're now trying to sell Singerman as being worthy of an Oscar. (That's OK, I'll wait until you stop laughing uncontrollably.) If you click on the picture of the poster above you can see what I'm talking about. We could possibly see the film getting some consideration for some kind of obscure sound or visual effects award, but the ones on this poster?? C'mon, let's get real here folks. Singer for best director? I'm sure all the great ones leave millions on the cutting room floor. Routh for best actor? Did he even have 12 lines of dialogue in the film? Bosworth for best actress? BWWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!! Best costume design? Maybe if the film was about a pleather clad scuba diver. Best original score? Shouldn't that be John Williams' name there instead of Ottman?

With all of the hilarity seeing that brought to us the other day, it made us think of a few awards that we might actually nominate the film for. Take a look and see what you think:

• Best mutilation of a legend - Bryan Singer
• Worst attempt at disguising the remake of a script - Dan Harris, Michael Dougherty
• Worst miscasting of a lead actress - Bryan Singer
• Worst on-screen chemistry between lead actors - Bosworth/Routh
• Worst misuse of an otherwise talented supporting actor - Bryan Singer (Spacey)
• Most unnecessary plot device that will weigh the franchise down like a lead weight - Super Kid
  

If you've got any others, we'd love to heat about them in the comments.

Creative Ideas for those Unwanted Singerman Gifts

<--If Routh takes this out of the box, does that constitute playing with himself?

The season of giving is upon us! And we here at Singer's Superman Sucks continue to give to you, our loyal blog readers because we care. We're here this week to help you with a problem some of you might come across this holiday season. That problem of course, would be those unwanted Singerman gifts! (cue the horror music)

Everyone has that aunt who's gotten a bit senile in her old age and has trouble telling the difference between the toilet and the kitchen sink. She "knows" you like "that Superman fella," and in her bewilderment at the giant electronics store with all the flashing lights and loud music, she picks you up a copy of Singerman. You open it, give her a half-assed smile as she kisses you with breath that's some ungodly combination of tuna fish and moth balls. Or perhaps you just got the DVD because you weren't aware they stuck it into the Ultimate Collector's Edition box set, and are trying to figure out why? You then contemplate how far the thing could fly if tossed out your car window at 70 mph or perhaps which one of your buddies DVD collections you're going to hide it in to see if he notices.

Well fret not my friends! Don't waste those DVD's. With a little patience and a dash of creativity you can make "Singer-ade" out of Singerman! Here's a few ideas of ours. Submit your own suggestions in the comments section.

Perhaps you or someone you know has a cat... or two... or six. Well with a little hot glue, a plastic handle, and a bit or patience, you've got this handy, dandy kitty litter scoop! You know how they say "fight fire with fire?" Well now you can scoop crap with crap! Maybe that same senile, old aunt who gave you the damn DVD in the first place who has the cats and you can "re-gift" it back to her. Hell, it's not like she's going to notice anyway! If you don't know anyone with cats, try to pass them off as ping pong paddles or maybe even a spackle knife! Either way it'll be the most action these DVD's have ever seen.

Maybe there's a special lady in your life who's a little on the ummm "big-boned" side and she really likes to accessorize her outfits. Well then just slap some thin iron clasps into these babies and you've got yourself a pretty snazzy pair of dangly earrings. And don't forget our gender bending friends who like to play dress up either!



Tired of cups and glasses leaving those darn rings on your furniture? Well just take your Singerman DVD's, a little hot glue, and some cork board, and in a matter of minutes you've got yourself a lovely decorative coaster set that the whole family can enjoy! If Singerman can hold up a giant island made of Kryptonite, he should have no trouble at all with your vodka martini or a Diet Pepsi!





If your feeling really crafty and say someone gives you a multi-disc set of Singerman, try making a festive holiday wreath! You may think you don't need a holiday wreath made of Singerman DVD's, but every day I hear you crying for one! The best part is that it's REALLY easy to do! Just like Bryan Singer you can hastily slap it together, add in some semi-cohesive glue, and then throw a bunch of garbage onto it and see what sticks! Sure it's not as good as real, traditional wreath, but who cares? It's yours to do with as you please.

Jon Peters Wants to Show You "What Boys Have"

From the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" file, it looks like Singerman producer Jon Peters has gotten himself into some hot water. The same guy who wanted to put giant spiders, polar bear guards, and gay robots into a Superman film has apparently added sexual harassment to his list of transgressions...again.

According to multiple sources, a woman claims in a lawsuit that Peters sexually harassed her and exposed himself to her and her 3-year-old daughter while she worked as his personal assistant.

"Shelly Morita began working for the producer in February 2005 but quit after about a year, the suit said.

According to the lawsuit, Peters frequently grabbed Morita's breasts, buttocks or legs, hugged and kissed her and made "rude, sexual and disparaging comments."

During filming of "Superman Returns" in Australia in July 2005, Peters crawled into her hotel room bed and refused to leave, the suit alleged.

Morita also claims that in August 2005, while working in Peters' home, she walked in on him as he was naked and waiting to get a massage. The suit claims Peters chased her and gave her a bear hug.

The suit also claims that last December, while on a trip to Peters' ranch in Santa Barbara, Peters exposed himself to Morita and her daughter, commenting, "Look what boys have!"

He later joked about it to other employees at the ranch, the suit claimed."

Nice guy. Just the type of individual you want working for your company. And guess what? This isn't the first time this has happened while he was in WB's employ. In 1998, Colleen Bennett, Peter's former executive vice president of finance, filed suit, alleging that Peters groped her, exposed himself to her and conducted meetings in his underwear. If guys like this are allowed to stick around WB Features, it really explains a lot how management there conducts business and why we get the Catwoman's and Singerman's that we do.

Singer Likes Him Some Jesus in his Singerman

One of the MANY criticisms of Singerman was the repetitive, over-the-top Christ imagery in the film. We know there are obvious parallels in the tales of Jesus Christ and to a lesser extent Moses, with that of Superman. Richard Donner and Tom Mankiewicz took this up a notch in Superman: The Movie with how they chose to portray Marlon Brando's Jor-El. It was pretty subtle stuff, put into his dialogue about "sending his only son" and having Kal-El be the "light to show them the way." Nothing really obvious or "eye-roll worthy." You understood where they were going with it, but it didn't offend the senses or overshadow parts of the film.

Singerman on the other hand took this to unprecedented levels and had all the subtlety of sledgehammer to the groin. We seemingly got beat over the head with Stations of the Cross visuals at every turn. Half the time I was expecting Routh to say 'See! Just like Jesus!" which is a bit odd considering Singer is ya know, Jewish and all. For all those who think we were reading too much in to the film, Singer himself has basically just copped to the whole thing, and doesn't seem one damn bit ashamed about it either. Superhero Hype has up an interview Singer did with some guy named Stephen Skelton, who recently authored a book about the religous parallels in Superman lore called The Gospel According to the World's Greatest Superhero. If you can make it through him sucking up to Singer more and more with each passing moment, there's actually some pretty revealing stuff in the interview.

Skelton: Time magazine said, "Earlier versions of Superman stressed the hero's humanity…The Singer version emphasizes his divinity…He is Earth's savior: Jesus Christ Superman." However, I take a little bit of an issue with that. Certainly Donner's "Superman: The Movie" stressed the parallels to Christ, as you were touching on before we started the interview. Now, I think I know the answer to this. But do you see your version as different or similar in that regard? Doesn't it pick up from what Donner was doing and kick it up a notch?

Singer: It celebrates that notion. These stories are told in so many different ways. From Sunday School to pop culture. You're not saying that Superman is Jesus Christ. He's not. He's Superman. He's the last son of the planet Krypton; he's in love with Lois Lane; he has a human side. There's a lot of things going on here that are a product of comic fantasy. But if you're going to have lines like Marlon Brando saying, "I send them you—my only son." And there being spoken with absolute seriousness, then when you carry it forward and you have him return after five years, face an immeasurable conflict and then… I mean, it's all... I mean, if you're going to tell that story, you've got to tell it all the way. You've got scouring at the pillar, the spear of destiny, death, resurrection,
it's all there. And I remember sitting with one of my writers and we were
watching the visual effects of him [Superman] falling to Earth. And his hands
are extended and he falls to Earth in that very…

Umm Christ was put to death and accepted his fate for the good of mankind. Singerman ignored what his infinitely intelligent father told him about his home world, left on a whim not caring about the good of mankind, and then returned only to ruin the relationship of the person he allegedley loved but left without telling, and then fight a giant island. I don't see how telling THAT story evokes the need to beat us over the head "all the way" with all of the savior allegories he lists out? Superman wouldn't refer to himself as a "savior" either. He has the utmost humility, not a God complex. Singerman wasn't a savior, he was a jerkoff.

Skelton: It's the crucifixion pose; it's beautiful; it's fantastic.

At this point in the interview, you pretty much lose any respect for the interviewer.

Singer: "We're going to tell the story. If we're going to tell this story, some parts are going to be subtle. But this one is not." And we were in the theater, he was visiting the effects session, just looking what I was doing, and I just said, "Either we're going to tell it or we're not." Either we're going to have him float down kind of in [the position of the crucifixion]or not. And it's entirely plausible the way we left him in the scene, in the moment, that he falls in that position and then he falls out of it. But if there was ever a time to hammer it home, this is it. Visually, this is it. And what's wonderful is when you see it with an audience. And I worried, that there could be a snicker. But instead you could hear a pin drop.

Why? Why is it all or nothing? I dont get this. Far greater talents like Donner and Mankiewicz were content with leaving it to a few lines of expository dialogue and letting the audience draw their own inferences. Why must anything like this be "hammered home" anyway? Donner's Superman was given the type of characterization to do this type of thing and didn't even take it that far. Singerman on the other hand acts anything BUT Christ-like over the course of the film. So the imagery sticks out like a sore thumb. It's like the guy who acts like an idiot 6 days a week but then suddenly becomes pious at church on Sunday. You don't buy it. As for the "pin dropping," was this the infamous "friends and family" screening?

It's a rather long interview, and the rest of it is more of the same. The interviewer gushing and telling Singer how smart he is (we know he LOVES that), and then Singer explaining how all of his different scenes have some kind of religous subtext, when in fact most of them are pretty damn overt. It becomes all the more comical being that had he actually written Singerman to act like the actual Superman, some of it might have had some actual depth to it. But since his main characterization didn't reflect the one from the source material that spawned the religous comparisons in the first place, most of it is lost and is basically just hollow imagery that winds up annoying the audience and insulting their intelligence.

Miscellaneous Bits: 12/1/06

Some rather interesting tidbits from around the internet about the goings-on with Singerman, the DVD, Warner Brothers, etc. that dont quite deserve their own postings, but are none the less still intriguing to read.

• Gasp! Even more shady marketing from WB to sell their DVD's? Shmuel Tennenhaus has a theory about something fishy going on over on YouTube, and it seems to have some merit. [Cost Per News]

• Apparently there are some BIG problems with some of the DVD's in the "Superman: Ultimate Collector's Edition" Box Sets. And we mean besides that DVD they shoe-horned in there with Singerman on it to try and help boost it's sales numbers. [DigitalBits]
  

• Singerman's box office apparently wasn't the only thing that we were expecting to be "bigger." Those Hi-Def DVD's show EVERYTHING, don't they? [Defamer]

• You know how Singerman having a kid in the film really sucked? Well Singer doesn't care, and he wants to give you a whole lot more of him in the sequel! Better hide your musical instruments! [Rotten Tomatoes]

• An amusing review of the Singerman HD DVD: "Bryan Singer's 'Superman Returns' is instead best described as an unapologetic cinematic love letter to Richard Donner's 1978 blockbuster 'Superman: The Movie.' Never have I seen a movie so in love with another movie -- I'm sure if Singer could have somehow CGI'd Christopher Reeve and Kate Bosworth together, and had them spawn bald children that looked like a cross between Margot Kidder and Gene Hackman, he would have done it." [High-Def Digest]

• OK, so which one of you anonymous commenters is a TV critic for The Boston Herald? [BostonHerald.com]

• This guy wants Hiro Nakamura to help him get the time back that he wasted playing the Singerman video game. [The Daily Bulletin]